Long time, no Blog....

So life has been busy lately and I haven't had a chance to update my blog....so sorry.....

So here is an update in a nut shell --
- I started a second job at Merrimack Valley Hospital (I like it so far)
- Aidan is registered for Kindergarten (dang...where does the time go...)
- We have been working hard on the house doing yard work and decorating (we LOVE the house)
- the kids have been playing hard
- Jesse and I were able to go on a double date with my brother and his fiancee to Boston (had a blast!!)
- Finally, we are all waiting for the summer weather to arrive so we can enjoy it more!!

I hope you enjoy the pictures....and I am sorry, but it is long....

Make a Smilebox slideshow

We found a house!!

So a lot has gone on in March, so I figured it was time to fill everyone in...

First and foremost.....WE FOUND A HOUSE!! We are very excited! And I will post some pictures in a few minutes. It is a three bedroom one bath open concept ranch with a loft. I think it will be perfect for us. There is a lot of storage and a cute little yard for the kids to play in and there is a community beach at the end of the road for the kids to play and swim! Another good part is that it is only 5 miles from where we live now so no one really has a longer commute to school or work.

There is also a two car garage, that you can't see in this picture, which is AWESOME!! We had our home inspection yesterday and didn't find anything that would cancel the sale, but there were a few things that need to be fixed so as long as everything goes well we a re scheduled to close on April 29! YEAH!! Although we all know how good at waiting I am...NOT! But for this I will have to be patient!

Let's see what else has gone on this month....oh, yeah...we battled the flu at the beginning of the month; the only one to make it out unscathed was Haylee...lucky girls.

Aidan and Cora also celebrated birthdays. We didn't do anything exciting, but we did get to go to the playground....

And since it is the end of the month it is time for my March instalment of the weight loss challenge... As of this morning I was at 209.8! I think I may have been heavier than this when I got married!! Oh, how bizarre! I am contemplating having Jesse take a picture of me to post since I am about half way to where I would like to be.....but I am not sold on that yet....we will see what next month brings!

School Vacations Suck, but Goals are Good

So at this point there have been plenty of other posts about why I hate when the kids are on school vacation -- so I won't go into to much detail....so here is the overview of my lovely day today:
- Kids woke up at 5:30 am (that is 2.5 hours earlier than they usually do)
- Aidan decided that he would get himself some breakfast sometime before 5:30 any guesses? Yup, I found him in his room eating a box of Cheez-Its -- ah, the breakfast of champions!
- The kids were jumping on Aidan's bed and Haylee got pushed off... very pretty purple bruise on her chin
- The jumping on the bed lead to the breaking of a support brace on Aidan's bed
- Jumping wasn't interesting anymore so they decided to take Aidan's bed apart
- There were so many other things that happened today that my Mommy brain has just blocked out...
So needless to say they were fed, bathed, and in bed by 6:30. It was definitely a bad mommy day!

On another note, my weight loss challenge is going OK. School and life has been VERY stressful this semester so I haven't been exercising as much as I would have liked, but I have made an effort to make it to all of my appointments with my trainer which has been very helpful! So as of this morning I was down to 220 lbs -- only 50 or so to go, right?!?!?!

Counting Down the Days....

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately that talk about how hard it is to watch your children go off on the first day of school -- I don't feel that way! I can't wait for that little yellow school bus to pull up and for Aidan and Cora to get on....

OK, so I having a bad mom moment, can you blame me??? They have been out of a structured school program for a few weeks now and to say it has been rough would be an incredible understatement!! I know they can't help it, I know it is just the Autism, I know it in my head -- but sometimes it just all gets to be too much!! Know what I mean?

I can't wait till school starts in 12 days! At that point the structure will back in place and with any luck the behavior will come back into check also!!

Of course, I am also counting down the days till I am back in class. I start a week from today and I am getting a little nervous! There is going to be so much work and reading and clinical rotations -- that I am not entirely sure how I am going to fit it all in! I'm sure I manage...... somehow!

I've had it, I'm done!

On days like today I wonder why it is I ever had children? Why did I work for so long and pray so hard for children? Why?

I know that my children have "special needs" but I am tired of it. I am tired of the fighting, I am tired of the screaming, I am tired of the throwing, I am tired of things constantly being broken, I am tired of feeling like I am talking to a wall, I am just tired!! It is one of those days where I just want to sit in a corner and cry!!

The fact that they are out of school and they don't have that strict academic schedule, and they don't have their behavioral specialists and their occupational/physical therapist doesn't help the situation. I would love to be able to just bring the kids outside to play -- but I can't because they all go in different directions and I can't keep tabs on them all and it is way to dangerous in our neighborhood! I have used ALL of my things in my little bag of tricks and they don't go back to school for another week!!

So this is what faced me when I tried to put the kids to bed today.....yes it is a broken window! It is the window that is right above Cora's bed. I mean really, was it really necessary for them to break the window? Then I tried to tape it up (you can kind of see it) to make it safer since I have no idea how I am going to fix it, and they pulled the tape off!!! I am so frustrated!

I don't know how much I have left in me to keep dealing with this crap!! I'm tired, I have had enough -- and of course things like this always happen when Jesse is at work -- not that having him here would really change anything since he sleeps most of the time know and I still have to deal with the kids.

Does every mom have these days? Does it pass? Is it just a bad day?

Thinking Abount my Little Ones...

I have a couple of friends going through a tough time trying to start a family and seeing their trouble got me thinking about my little "darlings"....

As most people know I had a really hard time getting pregnant; we tried for a couple of years -- both on our own and with fertility treatment -- all to no avail. I remember those years vividly! Man were they tough -- not only physically but really tough emotionally. I remember just crying and crying every time the test can back negative, I remember not feeling adequate enough, and my self esteem was shoot!! I mean women are born to carry children and give birth, so what was wrong with me -- why can't I have a child. I remember feeling like Heavenly Father was punishing me and my heart hurt ALL the time! Now mind you I rarely shared my feelings with anyone and when anyone asked I when we were having kids I would just smile and say that we were too busy working or that we weren't ready yet... not many people new the pain behind those questions!! I remember praying and praying and crying and begging Heavenly Father -- just to be disappointed the next month. I'm sure this time was difficult for Jesse too, but I think it probably hit me a little harder! Now in the grand scheme of things a couple of years isn't that long -- but when your in the thick of it it seems like and eternity!

Eventually the money for the fertility treatments ran out and I had to come to terms with never having children -- as this is what many doctors told me -- I must say coming to terms with this was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I felt like I was a failure at being a women! Looking back on that time I probably should have been on an antidepressant!!

Then it happened -- I remember the day very vividly! It was 4th of July 2003 and we were preparing for a cook out at our apartment in Barrington. It was a very hot day, high 90's and very humid and we had no A/C in the house. I was in the kitchen making a salad and I got very light headed and felt like I was going to pass out -- I attributed it to the heat. So we went on with the day and I spent the day sitting in the kiddie pool trying to stay cool. Jesse had to work the overnight shift that night so when everyone left Jesse went to work and I went to bed. It popped into my head throughout the day that maybe I was pregnant, but I wouldn't let myself believe that it could actually happen -- after all every time I got my hopes up in the past I would just get crushed! So I had 1 pregnancy test left in the house -- for the stockpile that I had during all the fertility stuff -- I tossed and turned all night debating whether I was going to use it or not. At about 2 in the morning I got us and just took the test. Instantly the 2 lines appeared!! I just sat there in the bathroom in shock -- could it really be positive, had all of my prayers finally been answered, was I dreaming!! I jumped up to call Jesse at work and as the phone was ringing, Jesse walked into the house! He said that something told him to come home -- so I ran to him and thrust the test in his face.... once he realized what it was we both stood there crying. It was great!! The following March we welcomed our little man into the world.....

I know he is older here -- we didn't have a digital camera when he was born....

Little did I know when I had Aidan, that Heavenly Father was opening the flood gates for our family! Three short months after having Aidan we found out I was pregnant again and Cora joined the family in March 2005. Yes, Aidan and Cora are exactly 12 Months and 5 Days apart...

At least Aidan and Cora were a little bit older when in May 2005 we found out the we were expecting again, and in January 2007 Haylee came into our lives --

Sometimes I joke that we prayed to hard and that is why we had 3 children in 4 years -- but in my heart of hearts I know that all of the trouble and problems that I had trying to get pregnant made me stronger and made me a better person so that I could be a better Mom! I also know that Heavenly Father knows what is best for us and that he does answer ALL of our prayers -- sometimes just in the time frame that He feels is best for us and not when we WANT the answers!

Week in Review...

It has been an interesting week...but when isn't it an interesting week in my house!?!?!?

Let's see Jesse and I returned from our big weekend away on Sunday evening, exhausted, and by Monday morning I was sick! I think it was just allergies but I completely lost my voice. Do you know how hard it is to get 3 toddlers to listen to you when you can't talk or when you can get your voice to work you sound like a smurf on helium? I must have looked like a lunatic as I tried to come up with ways to get their attention so that they would listen... you know the clapping, jumping around, waving the arms....not one of my prouder moments... but at least by Friday I was feeling better.

Let's see what else happened....um....oh, Aidan has learned to put on his socks!!! YEAH!! I know for most people this isn't a big deal, but for me it is huge since we have been learning how to do this fr about a year now... this means that he is completely capable of dressing himself, with a little prompting of course...

Also I finished my semester at School on Thursday night. I am pretty sure that I earned a 4.0 this semester which is great! I an just looking forward to a few weeks off from school, my summer classes don't start till June 16. I love school, but it will be nice to have a little break!

Cora attended her first Gymnastics class on Saturday and she LOVED it. She was laughing and running it was great! She made up until the last 5 minutes of the class without having a meltdown! That must be a record! She was scared of a lot of the activities, but I modified them so that she would do them and she had fun. It was also a big day for Aidan because he was in the same class but he has taken this class before. The last time we were enrolled in this class a few weeks ago, Aidan did really well except he couldn't make it all the way through warm ups without running away at least once and he usually didn't make it through all of the station rotations without running away at least once....but on Saturday he made it through the warm ups and all of the rotations without running off and without many promptings from Jesse to return to task!! The only thing he really had to prompt about was for Aidan to wait his turn and to not cut in front of the other children. It was such a nice morning!

Then of coarse yesterday was Mother's Day and Aidan greeted me in the morning with a very loud "Happy Mofers Day, Momma" which made me smile! It was also great because I made my Mom a great gift this year. I took a picture of Rick, Dan, and I and I super imposed a Poem that I wrote over the picture and gave it to her, it made her cry....it was great! If any of you get over to my Mom's house you should ask her to see it -- I'm proud of it.

And then of coarse because it was Mother's Day we got to talk to Rick on the phone! It was so great to talk to him. Though talking to him makes me realize how much I miss him! I know he only has 5 months left on his mission, and that that time will go by really fast, but I miss my little brother and I want him home know and I want him to live in the area and not go back out west!! OK, that was my little selfish rant -- but he sounds really good on the phone, and I know he is doing the Lord's work and he will be home in no time!

Rain

It's raining, need I say more.
I am not a big rain fan, it makes the day so gloomy and yucky! And my van doesn't run as well in the rain. Jesse just called from Dominos to tell me that the van is running "funny" -- so I of course asked how is it running "funny" (why do I even bother - I know the answer that I'm going to get) "I don't know, funny. It kinda does this shaky thing." OK, I give up -- know he is at work I am at home -- what am I supposed to do?!?!
Oh we got the kids some bunk beds today. To say that Aidan was excited is an understatement! He wanted to help put it together and he couldn't wait to start climbing all over it! We will see how long it takes for someone to fall out of it....

Kiddos

I know that some family may look at this and I thought that you all may want to see some of the more recent pictures of the little love bugs!!! My friend Brittany took these...